I just got out of a seven-year relationship with a man, in large part because I want to understand my sexuality. I’ve been madly in love with women, but have never even kissed a girl. I’m quite good at heterosexual relationships but I have never really dated, and certainly have never dated a woman. I am a “girl-virgin” and I don’t know a thing about where to start.
— Nine Candies
Dear Nine Candies,
Tiggy is playing her trombone, banging her bass drum, and clashing her cymbals in the “Welcome to Bisexuality” one-woman parade in your honor! Whoopie!
Ahem. Those were not euphemisms.
You’re in for a lot of fun because if dating is an adventure, then bi dating is a wacky thrill ride of self-exploration and life-changing liaisons.
Because heterosexuality is assumed in most contexts, it’s a bit more difficult for folks to make same-sex romantic connections at work, mainstream parties, straight bars, etc. However, there are still lots of venues that facilitate queer dating. If you’re in your 20s and Are you a bi lady in need of some good advice? Write to Tiggy Upland at firstname.lastname@example.org. This advice column is for entertainment purposes only. The columnist reserves the right to edit the letters for any reason. Find more Ask Tiggy on www.biresource.net.you like the bar and club scene, scope out the Lesbian Nights around town. In a decent-sized city, you’ll typically find monthly offerings.
In joining any group, the important thing is to give it time. Expect to become a “regular” before the dating magic happens. You’re not just finding one-off activities to connect with women, you’re embedding yourself in a new social scene and setting roots within a community. That’s why, if possible, finding a queer female roommate will easily triple the size of your lady-lovin’ world (and probably quadruple your dyke drama. You’ve been warned).
If pumping music and strobe lights aren’t your jam, you should join a group of LBT women who are doing some-thing you love, be it reading, discussing travel, watching sci-fi movies, or playing kickball. Start by visiting MeetUp.com. Then, ask a mainstream activity group (like a yoga studio) if there’s a meeting night or listserv just for queer women. The more liberal churches (e.g., Unitarian Universalists, UCC, Quakers, Reform Jews) may have LGBT social and support groups to join, or you can go directly to your local LGBT community group or your statewide LGBT advocacy group for volunteer opportunities.
Meanwhile, you should also join OKCupid.com and give online dating a whirl. Just filling out the profile can clarify your wants and needs when it comes to the woman of your dreams.
Go on out there and get a bi life, Nine Candies! I suspect you’ll be losing your girl virginity before we sweep up the ticker tape over here.