For a couple years now, I’ve known that I’m not straight and I think I’m bisexual, but I want to know for sure whether I’m bisexual or gay. My confusion lies in the fact that I’m attracted to both men and women but I seem to find more women attractive. I do still find some men attractive, though. See where I’m confused? Is it possible to bisexual but prefer women?
In a word, yes. Sexuality runs along a spectrum, and very few people are precisely pinpointed in the middle. In fact, it’s even more complicated than that: some bisexuals feel more romantic toward some genders and more sexually attracted toward others. Keep in mind, too, that gender identity itself runs along a non-linear spectrum that includes agender, genderqueer, trans, and intersex. You’ll also recognize, too, folks who differ in their gender expression — that is, they present as some level of masculine or feminine.
So, who perfectly balances their attraction to all different incarnations of gender? Right, virtually no one.
Listen: there is no litmus test for bisexuality. You do not have to be “this tall” to ride our ride. There is no bean counting. No one is inspecting your papers at the checkpoint. Bisexuality is simply the capability of loving more than one gender of people. Only you can decide if that accurately encompasses your feelings.
If you want to identify as bisexual, please do. You’re enough, you, just as you are.
Are you a bi lady in need of some good advice? Write to Tiggy upland at firstname.lastname@example.org. This advice column is for entertain purposes only. The columnist reserves the right to edit the letters for any reason. Find more Ask Tiggy on www.biresource.net.