A. Rose Bi is thrilled to be writing Bi Women Quarterly’s new advice column. An avid BWQ reader herself, A. proudly identifies as a bisexual woman. She currently lives in New England with her boyfriend and her two stupidly adorable cats.
In addition to being an out bi woman, A. has a degree in Cognitive Science, has completed trainings for LGBTQ+ and sexual assault survivor advocacy, and has experience answering calls for an anonymous LGBTQ+ help line. She is passionate about feminism, the bi+ community, LGBTQ+ and female representation in the media, and helping others.
A. Rose Bi’s column relies on questions from readers like you! You can send any questions you might have or suspect other readers may have to the author directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. All questions are anonymous, nothing is off-limits, and anything related to upcoming issue topics is extra-encouraged!
Dear A. Rose Bi,
I’ve used the label of bisexual for the better part of a decade at this point, but now I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually only attracted to women. I have clothes and jewelry and other things that showcase my bi pride, and the less I find myself attracted to men, the more I’m scared of losing this identity and community that I’ve loved and embraced for so long. Does losing my attraction to men mean I have to give up the bi+ space and identity I’ve created for myself?
Sliding Kinsey Scale
Dear Sliding Kinsey Scale,
A beautiful thing about the queer community is that there are so many labels that we can choose for ourselves, or not choose, depending on what feels right. But on the other hand, so many niche options can be overwhelming, especially when you’re questioning how you feel or who you might be attracted to. I say this to make sure you know that this is not easy – questioning your identity can be unsettling and a long process – and that you’re not the only person to go through this.
That being said, remember that sexuality can be fluid! You could be attracted to only men, then a few years later to multiple genders, then to mostly women – figuring out your sexuality can be both a long journey and a moving target.
Based on my own experience I believe that the bi+ community will welcome you, regardless of your attractions in the current moment. If at any point in your life you have been attracted to people of more than one gender (including people who are genderfluid, agender or otherwise non-binary identified), you are bi if that is how you understand yourself! At the end of the day, the label or labels you identify with are yours to choose, and no one can tell you otherwise. And, if you want to continue to be a part of the bi+ community, or venture out to try other communities on for size, we will support you in your journey every step of the way.
Best of luck and lots of love,
A. Rose Bi