By Sofi D.
Being bi carries a social stigma. People think it’s a phase, that you’re just confused, slutty, or just getting into the college experience. Insisting only makes it worse. Your parents don’t believe you either, saying that you’ve just never met the right person. How can who you are be just a phase? How can people say that since you’re bi, your relationships have meant nothing?
It’s not fair that just because men and women are beautiful in their own ways to me, I am criticized. I’m judged the second the words “I’m bisexual” pour out of my mouth. My past relationships have mostly been with women, so automatically my friends think that I’m a lesbian using bisexual identity as a stepping stool. But as a wise person recently told me: “It’s an i-dentity, not a you-dentity.” This is everything I am: I am bisexual. I’ve known since fourth grade. I came out in seventh, and I’ve been judged since I had my first girlfriend in high school.
“Didn’t you used to date that girl? And now you’re with… that guy?” “To be honest, I always thought you were a lesbian.” There comes a time when you seriously start to get angry. But also, I’ve doubted myself. I’ve thought that I wasn’t rightfully bi because I’ve never had a healthy relationship with a guy. Guys are extremely attractive to me, and so are girls, but relationships with girls have always been better for me: more open to communication, to ideas, and to admitting love when it hits her.
My one and only boyfriend (we lasted about five months) cheated on me the first night we went out. After he spent 15 minutes trying to get me into bed with him, I left. It turns out that he found someone else to be with that night, and she told me later because she thought it was funny. However, girls don’t always make for the best relationships either. A girlfriend stopped talking to me for a month and a half, and when I finally confronted her, she said she didn’t love me anymore. I was her experiment. You really never know what you are getting into.
I’m also the best party favor ever. Truth or Dare? You can bet someone is going to be dared to kiss me, or vice versa. I am always asked if I’ve been able to orgasm more with a guy or a girl. I am always asked the most personal questions, and it’s embarrassing. Why aren’t heterosexual people asked the same questions? Why do I have to kiss someone I am not attracted to? Because as soon as our lips touch, I am playing into every guy’s fantasy.
I feel so angry writing this. I feel like everything has been building up inside of me and I am releasing these words calmly. I am not indecisive. I am not in a phase. And I am certainly not any other derogatory phrase that anyone decides to throw out at me. I am bisexual and proud.
Sofi, 20, studies Communications at William Paterson University.