By Lexine Sage
The sign caught my eye while I wandered around a gift shop in a Vegas hotel six years ago. It was a car decal that read “Bitch on Board.” As someone who doesn’t have a problem with the word “bitch,” I found the message witty and in tune with my sense of humor. I originally bought it for fun and to offset all those “Baby on Board” decals seen on other cars, out of jest.
Months later, I met a guy at a friend’s party. Our meeting was brief, but I still remember our conversation, especially what he said at the end:
Guy: “So, what do you think about kids?”
Me: “In general or…”
Guy: “Like having kids? Or do you have kids already?”
Me: “Oh, I don’t have kids and I don’t think I want them.”
Guy: “What? Why? Why do you not want them?”
Me: “I have my reasons. One of which is—”
Guy: “Yeah, but you’re a woman. You’re supposed to have kids.”
Me: (playing cool) “My body, my choice, my dear.”
Guy: (looking disgusted) “You’re a bitch.”
He left right after, and I would have made one more quip to him, but seeing him upset because I stuck to my guns was enough for me. I had installed that “Bitch on Board” decal on my car months before, and I smiled at it when I left that party.
When a woman does something that goes against what a patriarchal-driven society expects from them, that five-letter word always follows her: “Bitch.” When we simply tell a man “no” because we don’t want to, we’re called a bitch. When we flex strength and turn the tables on men, we’re called a bitch. And when we make decisions that are right for us, even if it upsets men, we’re called a bitch.
I expected that word from a guy when it came to my choice in not wanting children. What I didn’t expect was the agitation from some women over my choice. They wouldn’t call me a bitch (at least not to my face), but I could tell they weren’t happy that I chose to opt out of parenthood. These upset women were either mothers themselves or believers of motherhood being the ultimate prize in a woman’s life. Just a little over 50 years ago, women fought for their reproductive rights and helped Roe v. Wade become federal law. Since Roe’s unfortunate overturn in June 2022, I’ve noticed more women getting upset with other women choosing to be childfree. It’s all “my body, my choice,” until some women decide against motherhood, then it becomes a civil war among women.
The stigma childfree women face from others who expect children from them (“You’re not a real woman,” “You’ll change your mind,” “You’ll be lonely when you get old,” etc.) are eerily parallel to the stigma bi people like me face from narrow-minded people (“Pick a side,” “You’re in a phase,” “You’re in it for attention,” etc.). And just like childfree women facing backlash against hostile mothers who can’t accept our childfree status, bisexuals face conflict with LGBTQ+ community members because we’re bisexual. I chose to be childfree, but I didn’t choose to be bi, and I certainly didn’t choose to get backlash for being both.
If my life choice makes me an oddity, so be it; I’m used to being the “odd one out.” Being Filipino-American and nearing 40 on top of being bi and childfree, I’m supposed to be married to a man and mothering his children at my age (and not writing this piece.) Instead, I lead a life that goes against tradition and the patriarchy. I’m single with no desire to be partnered right away nor have children in this lifetime. I’m financially independent and have an apartment all to myself. I’m still proudly bi despite the grief bisexuals continue to face.
And, yes, I still have that “Bitch on Board” decal on my car. It compliments my new “bitch” shirt that I got for Pride, with the “b” and “i” letters colored in pink, purple, and blue. At least I never have to worry about watching my language around kids in my own space.
Lexine Sage is the pen name of a published writer/poet who lives in the Bay Area of California in the U.S. She published her first eBook, a Women’s/LGBT Fiction titled The Playgirl in July 2023, and is currently working on a new novel.
