By Colleen
To look at me, you’d think I wasn’t even queer, but I am. You might think I’m just a standard-issue middle-aged woman who dyes her hair and wears pleasant clothes and not much (if any) makeup, but beneath my mildmannered exterior beats a truly queer heart. I am transgender, bisexual, polyamorous and kinky (dominant), and although I haven’t worn these identities long, those who know me well would say I wear them very authentically.
The company I work for is very old and very conservative, so you might be surprised to learn that I am (mostly) out at work! I attribute this mainly to the fact that I had worked here for about 12 years before I transitioned. Because many people at this company are long-term employees, the majority of people that I work with knew me before transition, so I’m automatically out as transgender. And that, I think, makes it easier to be out about other identities as well. In addition to being out as transgender, I am also out as bisexual, and mostly out as polyamorous. To this end, I have a portrait on my desk of me with my two long-term partners, and if people ask who is in the picture with me, I straightforwardly tell them that they are my spouses. One is male, and one is female, so it’s then pretty obvious that I’m also bisexual. I am not out about the kink side of things – that’s nobody’s business anyway.
It isn’t easy maintaining an out identity as bisexual, even with a portrait on your desk. People seem a lot more interested in the fact that I’m transgender and polyamorous than the fact that I’m bi+. I can’t actually remember anyone asking me a question about being bi+, whereas I do occasionally get questions about being transgender or polyamorous. To me, this indicates something I think most people would acknowledge, that they are very uncomfortable with sex, and talking (or asking) about the partners or “family life” of someone with a different sexual orientation forces people to confront this discomfort. People are willing to speak freely with friends or coworkers whom they assume to be heterosexual because they can talk about many aspects of life without actually confronting the question of sex, whereas when the person in question is in a different sort BLT, Anyone? By Colleen of relationship, such as a same-sex relationship, then even talking about one’s spouse brings to mind questions about what happens in private.
I’ve been involved in the steering committee of the Rainbow Employee Resource Group where I work for a few years, and again mostly this is because I’m transgender; however, I also work to represent the bi+ community there because I seem to be the only one who will. In fact, a couple of years ago, I mentioned to the rest of the committee that our ERG is not bi-friendly, because the bi community basically never gets mentioned except when I do so, and they were surprised I would say that. They certainly felt that we were bi-friendly as a group.
One of my biggest difficulties is that in my unit, I seem to be the only LGBT person in an office of over 200. This seems statistically unlikely, but the truth is that there is nobody else in my office whom I’m aware is LGBT. I guess that makes it a good thing I identify with as many labels as I do – I basically represent a large part of the rainbow. In fact, since I also identify as lesbian, I guess that makes me a BLT. But seriously, bi visibility is hard work!
Colleen is a computer nerd, musician, songwriter, poet, homebrewer, luthier, artist and queer activist. If you hear someone say they have a “girlfriend in Canada,” it’s probably Colleen.