Lisa Silveria, our last Bi Woman of the Month, interviews Dina Perrone in this issue. Dina is… read the interview and find out!
Lisa Silveria: Dina, we’ve been friends now for just over a year, though it seems like ages ago when we first met. You really are one of my dearest friends, and to think—we met online. I was relatively new to the area and you were about to move to Boston from New York. I was hoping to make some friendships other than with the young people I interact with every day and you were looking to make some connections before you moved to a new city. We couldn’t stop talking the first evening we met in person, and quickly became friends. It was refreshing for me to have such a wonderful friend who was also bi. I know you felt similarly. Would you care to discuss why it was important for you to have a bi female friend?
Dina Perrone: Interestingly, I recently had a similar conversation with another bi female friend. She was complaining that her straight best friend just did not grasp the relationship problems with which she was dealing. Often, those who are not bi do not really understand the confusion or the issues bi people face. Many stereotypes and assumptions surround bis in general and bi women in particular. It is nice to have a friend with whom you can share and with whom you relate.
LS: While you came out to your mom years ago, you only recently came out to your father. I know you were particularly nervous about coming out to him. Can you tell us about this experience?
DP: I was very fortunate to have the coming out experience about which many dream. When I first told my brother that I was going to finally come out to our dad, he pressured me to wait. I could not wait any longer. It was time. My brother assured me he would help in any way that he could. Our father has quite a short temper and upsets easily. My brother created an extensive plan that would prevent, well at least would neutralize, an explosion. My brother, mother and I were certain that my dad would not take it well. My brother and I reviewed the extremely likely course of events: 1) I tell my dad. 2) He is furious. 3) I take my grandmother (who lives with them) to the store to escape the rage. 4) My brother arrives at our parents’ home to put out the fire (i.e., talk to my dad and help him put things in perspective). 5) I would return to the house, and everything would be great. This plan was ingenious.
When the day arrived, my mother was very nervous, but very glad that she would be working and, hence, inaccessible and far away from the events. By mid-afternoon, my brother was in position, and I was ready. After a lot of procrastinating and with much fear and hesitation, I told my father that I am bisexual. He said, “okay.” Confused by his calm, even nonexistent, reaction, I asked if he knew what that meant. He accurately defined it, and said he kind of knew that about me. He stressed that it is going to be very difficult for me, as most are not tolerant. And, because of that, he worried. He gave me a hug, and told me that he loved me.
Goodness, just saying it now brings tears to my eyes. It was absolutely perfect.
I phoned my brother and mother to relay the amazing news, and inform them that the plan was not necessary. My brother thought I was kidding, and then, suggested that perhaps it did not really sink into our father’s head. He eventually came over to the house. Our father was fine. My mother was equally shocked and suspicious, but relieved. She indicated that sometimes my father really surprises us. She was absolutely right.
LS: That’s amazing. I suppose we should never underestimate the ones who love us. Do you have any advice for our readers who might be thinking about coming out to their loved ones?
DP: I recommend having a strong support group who can talk you through it, and can be there for you throughout the process.
LS: When you casually came out to your mother years ago, her reaction was one that many of us might be familiar with. Can you tell us about her reaction, as well as your feelings and response to her reaction?
DP: When I came out to my mother, she exclaimed, “I always wanted to be a grandmother.” I told her not to fret, since I wanted to be a mother. Still, she does not really talk about it.
LS: I know your roommates’ dog and children are keeping your motherly desires occupied at the moment, but at our age our biological clock often starts ticking its loudest (I know mine is). What are your current thoughts (or plans if you have any) about parenthood?
DP: I want to have a child—maybe two. Since I am getting older and, you are right, that clock is ticking, I would like to have a child within the next few years. I know that could mean that I would be doing it without a partner. I am okay with that; I actually think—while tough—it would be great. Th e most important factor is having some support—family or friends. Two of my friends and I often discuss the possibility of getting a place together and helping each other raise our children. Oddly, in a recent New York Times Magazine article, the author discussed a group of women who do just that. It was quite comforting for us.
LS: The theme of the previous issue of Bi Women was “Children in our lives.” Th is of course isn’t limited to our own children, but is open to all children in our lives. You are godmother to a number of children. Would you be interested in telling us a little about these beautiful (I’ve seen pictures!) children and your relationship with them?
DP: I am very fortunate to have three godchildren—Hali, Gabriella, and Fausto. They are so cute and so sweet. I take my godparenting responsibilities very seriously. While I am still not really sure if there are any particular responsibilities, I want to, and try to, be a part of their lives. Unfortunately, we do not live in the same state, so I do not get to visit and play with them as much as I would like. But, with the Internet and webcams, I am able to see them quite regularly. They are wonderful.
LS: Any final thoughts?
DP: Thank you for being an awesome bi female friend.