By Valerie Tendai Chatindo
I don’t hate kids!
Let me start off by getting that one little nitty-gritty detail out of the way. Almost everyone assumes that people who choose not to procreate have issues with children. I’ve been a Sunday School teacher from the time I was 14 and I’ve helped rear many family members’ kids. I practically raised my sister with whom I share a 17-year age gap. Ironically, our relationship has been more of a mother-daughter one than one between siblings. Seventeen years! What did you expect to happen with that? I was there throughout the pregnancy. I helped her say her first word, which was her nickname (which I gave her). I named her, changed her diapers, potty trained her. I’m her tutor, mentor, and hell, yes (because I’m Black and we go down like that), I’m her disciplinarian. Just call me the world’s number one deputy parent.
But, seriously, I don’t hate kids.
Kids adore me. Everyone says that but in my case it’s true. I love playing and conversing with the small folk. Kids are cool and more profound than people credit them for. And no, my fascination and engagement isn’t an attempt to resolve any childhood issues. I didn’t have a traumatic childhood (well, we are all traumatized, but you know what I mean) and no, I don’t have any reproductive issues, though I am way overdue for a check-up.
I just don’t want to have kids!
People who know me question my decision. Not because I’m an African and there are stereotypical ideas about us being baby-making machines. Yikes! No. They question my decision because everyone who knows me knows that I am a huge nurturer. I love taking care of people. I’m a feeder, a cleaner, and a very affectionate person. I mother all my friends. Yet….
I still don’t want to have kids.
I’ve been singing this same tune since I was five. When all my other friends were playing mommies with their teddies and dolls, I made mine my subjects. Don’t ask. The idea of having my own kids has just never appealed to me and as I get older, I’ve acquired logical reasons to justify or articulate this inner instinct I’ve had for most of my life.
Sure, I could tell you that children require a lot of emotional and financial energy and attention. I could even mention that I enjoy my life of solitude and peace. That I love waking up with the knowledge that no one is counting on me. It’s liberating! I can fuck up my life in whichever way I choose and no one else will get hurt in the process. Of course, I have no intention of doing that. I’m probably the most boring and stable person out there, but just knowing that I could if I wanted to is a freedom all its own.
I love waking up late. I love not having to cook every day. I love the silence when I’m writing with the backdrop of a beautiful African sunset. I love being 29 and not being in a rush about achieving my life goals because I’ve got little ones counting on me. Parenting is serious business. It’s one most people don’t take seriously enough, sadly, and because I’m aware of my own limitations I’d rather not even venture into that field. I could go on and on and turn this into a thousand words to justify my aversion. But you know what? It all comes down to…
Me. Loving my childless and selfish existence and, for the last time: I just don’t want to have kids!
Valerie Tendai Chatindo is a Biochemistry graduate from the University of Zimbabwe, a writer, and a sexual health and awareness educator. The 29-year-old resides in Harare, Zimbabwe with her cat, Muffins, where she runs her own literary platform, Shumba Literary Magazine.