By Rea Carey, Executive Director of The Task Force
The Task Force builds the grassroots power of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. As part of a broader social justice movement, we work to create a nation that respects the diversity of human expression and identity and creates opportunity for all.
When I came out as lesbian in the early 80s at the age of 16, other friends of mine, both young men and women were coming out… or in most cases forced to hide in the closet with the door just barely cracked open. Most of us identified as either gay or lesbian. Not bi and not trans. And, yet, I knew that some of our friends were likely bi and although we didn’t have the word “trans” then, I knew that many of us were gender non-conforming and were harassed for it. It wasn’t until much later that a number of my friends had the courage, strength or support to come out as bisexual. As they did, I found my role as an ally to be important to them and to our friendships because so many gay, lesbian or straight people rejected them or refused to believe the truth they were telling. Sadly, this is still the case today.
I felt the power of being an ally—and having an ally— again recently when, during my speech at our Creating Change conference I was incredibly nervous and did something that is quite unlike me: I didn’t say “bisexual” when describing our community even though “lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender” was written right there in front of my eyes and I’ve said it thousands of times. I had no idea I had done this, but fortunately, a woman who has been a role model, teacher, and friend to me—Robyn Ochs—took the risk of being my ally and pointed out my mistake. She did so with care, firm clarity, and respect. By Robyn being an ally to me, she gave me the gift of allowing myself to be a better ally to the bi community and I decided to publicly apologize for my mistake. What happened in the hours and days afterward was powerful. Dozens of people including conference volunteers, activists, and staff of our movement’s organizations came out to me as bi and said how hard it was to be openly bi in their community, family or organizations.
Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go in this country and in the LGBT movement to embrace the true breadth of human experience and sexuality and to affirm the lives of our bi brothers and sisters. I believe that when one person is left behind, or ignored, or disrespected in our community, we are all left behind, ignored and disrespected. And, when any one of us has the strength to speak the truth about who we are and who we love, that is a gift to us all.
To be a lesbian who works to be an ally to the bi community is a life’s work. It is an ongoing experience of learning, taking risks, admitting mistakes, speaking out and standing up for others who may not always be able to speak for themselves. It is to challenge ourselves and each other to be better allies each and every day. This is a challenge I happily accept.
The Task Force builds the grassroots power of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. As part of a broader social justice movement, we work to create a nation that respects the diversity of human expression and identity and creates opportunity for all.