By Jennifer Taub, Ph.D.
Author Jaime M. Grant, PhD is a queer sex activist, researcher, and relationship coach who has been polyamorous for several decades. She brings both personal and professional expertise to this recent addition to the For Dummies guidebook series.
For many years, The Ethical Slut was the primary print resource for ethical non-monogamy. The more recent additions of Polysecure (2020) and Polywise (2023) have expanded the literature, and Polyamory for Dummies serves as an accessible primer, helping to introduce polyamory to a broader audience as it gains mainstream visibility.
Polyamory for Dummies covers a wide range of topics in the characteristic breezy and accessible style of the Dummies series. While this makes the book approachable, it sometimes results in a lack of depth and a somewhat scattered organization. Many readers may find it most useful as a reference book, turning to specific chapters as needed.
Grant’s background as a sex educator and her extensive experience within polyamorous communities inform the book well. However, as she is not a mental health professional, the sections on psychology and mental health are less robust than those covering the practical aspects of polyamory, cultural biases around monogamy, and the diverse ways polyamory can be practiced.
The book is divided into five sections. Section one covers the basics about what polyamory is, terminology, and activities such as “Constructing your polyamorous self.” These exercises, drawn from Dr. Grant’s workshops, are designed to promote self-reflection and exploration, which many readers may find valuable.
The second section focuses on the communication and skills that Grant calls “relational skills for polyamory,” but which are important generally. This section suffers the most from trying to cover too much material without adequate depth, and in some places lacks a basis in research. Information is often presented through the author’s lens, to support the anecdotal information she has amassed. There are exercises that claim to help the reader understand their attachment style, but they are not research-informed (and, as a result should be approached with caution).
The chapters in parts three and four try to cover a tremendous breadth of material; here, individual chapters of interest can be accessed as needed.
The last chapters of the book cover topics such as aging, disability and myths about polyamory. There is also another chapter on jealousy.
Throughout the entire book, there is no mention of the core conflict many bisexual people face of how to fully express one’s sexuality within monogamy, and the potential for polyamory. The book does not address the experiences of bisexual women (or men) navigating relationships across multiple genders. Grant gives a lot of space to the benefits of polyamory, but does not include the potential benefits the freedom from having one’s orientation defined by the presumed gender of their monogamous partner. Given that polyamory can be an important space for bisexual individuals, this omission is disappointing to me.
In conclusion, Polyamory for Dummies offers a broad and accessible introduction to polyamory, making it a useful resource for those newly exploring non-monogamy. However, the book struggles with depth and organization, and some sections—particularly those touching on psychology and attachment—should be read with a critical eye. While it succeeds in normalizing polyamory and providing discussion prompts, it falls short in delivering the research-backed insights that more experienced polyamorous individuals or those seeking a rigorous exploration of the topic may be looking for.
Jennifer Taub, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Boston, MA, in the U.S. She has a background in research and program evaluation and has worked in academic and nonprofit settings. She identifies as queer, bisexual, and poly. She is also a mama to one human and two cats.