By Hales Bopp
When I read the call for “Out at Work” submissions, I debated for quite some time about whether or not I should share my story. My relationship with my sexuality has not been a simple one. While I can remember being attracted to both men and women in middle school, I was an adult in college before I acknowledged that I was bisexual. This means that I never really had a major “coming out” moment. While I am out and open with many of the people I care about, there are still many people who are not aware of my sexuality for one reason or another. This includes my family, certain individuals at my university, and much of my work place.
The simple answer to whether I’m out at work? Partially. I am very fortunate to work with several close personal friends. These individuals are aware that I’m bisexual and have been for quite some time. But on our team at large, no one else is aware of my sexuality. My reasoning behind this is multi-faceted. First and foremost, there hasn’t been an appropriate opportunity to bring up this information. I am currently involved in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual man. This means people at work only see a typical heterosexual relationship. In this context, I haven’t found a graceful way to interject, “Even though I’m currently dating a man, I’m also attracted to women.”
That segues into my next point. I, in part, haven’t told people at work because my sexuality, while part of my identity, should not be my defining quality. I already see this with my coworker, who identifies as a lesbian. This coworker, her sexuality, her marriage, and her family are all topics of polite, yet tiresome, conversation. I want people to recognize my work ethic and my achievements, not my sexual preferences. I am also frustrated by the concept that LGBTQ+ individuals need to divulge their sexual orientations to everyone. It would be a completely foreign concept for one of my coworkers to introduce themselves as, “Hi, my name is SuperStraight, and I’m heterosexual.” My relationships exist outside of the workplace, and therefore, should not be a topic of workplace conversation.
Finally, part of the reason I remain “closeted” at work is because I am guarded about my sexuality. While I am in no way ashamed of who I am, I also keep information about my attractions close to my heart. The state in which I currently live is still fighting marriage equality. My workplace, which specializes in social services, has been incredibly hesitant to involve itself in any LGBTQ+ issues. And while I don’t believe my team would actively discriminate against me, I cannot speak for the organization as a whole. Until these issues are better resolved in my home state, I think I will quietly continue to exist in the closet.
Hales Bopp is a young twenty-something currently navigating the perils of adult life in the Southern United States. Hales is currently pursuing her master’s in mental health counseling and hopes to one day become a licensed counselor.