By Nicole Miyashiro
My mentor is accessible.
I shoot an email to a stranger, asking about the lesbian meet-up posted online, and then hang there in the void, exposed and vulnerable…
My mentor is accessible and available.
I’m waiting without knowing I’ve been waiting for her: her reply. She encourages me to join their lunch. I’m married, too, Rachel said, in our first meeting over coffee. Just come.
My mentor demonstrates a reasonable interest in and concern for me.
At a table among new faces, an attendee, Lori, has listened to me share my story for the first time publicly (i.e. in a group of more than one) and insists, “You’ll be divorced in a year!” My whole sense of self simmers into a blushing anger-panic. Not necessarily, Rachel counters. Look at me.
What do you gain from the mentoring process?
Possibility and courage by her example.
My mentor communicates with me regularly.
In these early days, I often say No to attending sapphic gatherings (while screaming YES! inside) and Rachel continues inviting me; she continues to invite me.
How often do you meet with your mentor?
I stumble over words, trying to find the right ones to explain and name the fears and wants and desires and needs. Over coffee, over brunch. Along lengthy, leaf-littered walks. And she gets it, she’s listening.
What activities/goals does your mentor assist you with?
Over lunch, Rachel and I giggle in awe and joy at the bliss and full heart I’m experiencing as I grow closer and closer with a fun and thoughtful woman who has entered my life.
Does your mentor provide constructive feedback?
Jitters plague me on discovering discrepancies in what the woman I adore has told me, and we’re planning to meet soon, I’m elated to be meeting her in person soon…! Follow your heart, Rachel guides. And be cautious.
What (if anything) are you doing differently as a result of your mentoring experience?
I’m astonished by how centered I’m becoming. How bold and vocal. How realized, yet new. How me…
What challenges does your mentor help you overcome?
I’m crying and crying, crushed, as things deteriorate—slowly—between me and this first woman I’ve ever felt connected to on so many intimate levels. This is the reality of these types of relationships, Rachel texts. It’s hard and there is a lot of pull in different directions. Then she comes over to sit with my mess of tears and holds my heartache in a hug.
My mentor supports my growth towards increased independence.
Feeling both shy and alive, I quiet fears of judgment and enjoy a warm meal with my new community at Rachel’s dinner party. In good spirit, I turn to Lori and jab, “You were wrong! I’m still married and in love with him!” Triumphant laughter erupts all around.
My mentor is able to lead me to the correct resources.
I almost miss the cues, almost miss the moment to share my number, almost miss treasured time with a poet who will teach me about the seeds of female Ginko trees and who will share a platonic romance with me that ends up healing and holding us both—Oh yes. Rachel beams her full-cheeked smile, punctuating it with a wink. She is DEFINITELY flirting with you!
What life lessons do you learn from your mentor?
Looking out at the crowd as I read new writing with nerves and zest, with immediate family feeling so far and my devoted spouse at home caring for our son to make it possible for me to be here, to do this, be me, and to share this work: I see Rachel in the audience. Smiling. With flowers. She shows up; she fortifies my commitment to showing up— to coffee with those confused and questioning. To meals with bi+ and partnered friends. To PRIDE. To community. To life as no one less than who I am.
Overall (11 years and counting), my mentor is a role model and trains me in the skills needed to mentor others.
Strongly agree.
Aliases are used in this essay to protect privacy.
Nicole Miyashiro is a biracial, cis femme, bi and married mama and adoptee living in central Pennsylvania, U.S. Her work appears in BWQ, CALYX, The Hudson Review, Nasty Women Poets: An Unapologetic Anthology of Subversive Verse (Lost Horse Press), and elsewhere.